Ordinance in your future?

By Arnoff Ragnarsson

The Ideal:
From The Residence Saftey Act of 2003:
"In an effort to protect disabled citizens in the case of fire or personal danger ... all main doorways premitting egress from a dwelling shall be fixed with explosive bolts which can be activated by a sufficiently loud noise defined as the decible range of...." Of course, that didn't take into account the special problems faced by pet owners....

The Reality: Harry the Cat looked over the perimeter of the front yard. It had been rough work slipping past the infrared sensor and motion detectors, and he rested for a brief minute. He checked his sensors: Visuals, nil; Sonics, nil (feedback within tolerable ranges); Tactile, nil. No activity for the last three minutes. Sniff left; sniff right. Nothing. Harry decided to risk a direct cross, and stepped into the yard.

Within the house Spot was instantly alert. It was his duty to protect his house and right now all sensor data indicated that there was a cat in his yard. He lurched to his paws to check the visuals. Yup, there it was; advancing past the perimeter. Lord only knew how it had gotten past the external sensors.

It was also Spot's duty, in his own opinion, to let the neighborhood know about this. Truth be told this was his favorite part, and he really took it to heart.

"ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!" and so on.

Harry booked.

"standback...standback...st-" came a metalic monotone from the front hall.

Spot recognized that sound and, being an intelligent dog, hit the deck.

KA-PA-PA-PLAM....

Meanwhile, upstairs: "Honey, what was that?"
"Uh, I think the dog just blew the front door off again."
"What time is it?"
"Donno, lets go back to sleep...."


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