Not enough money, but any more would make me evil.
Whatever the government lets me keep.
Money is a tool of the capitalistic overclass which etcetera etcetera etcetera.
I have no income. I've rejected money and illegally inhabit a national park.
2) Describe your family:
I'm married with three kids. Oh, and a live-in transsexual who joins us in our orgies.
The rules of the commune prohibit disclosing personal information.
I don't believe in families.
I don't believe in the word "describe."
3) What is the most politically incorrect thing about Scooby Doo?
Daphne never does anything but stand around and look pretty.
Scooby was never referred to as a Canine-American.
Velma is such a lesbian stereotype.
Shaggy never shares his marijuana.
"Scooby Snack" reward system encourages mass consumption.
Criminals are actually put in prison.
4) There's this weird drunk hanging out in front of your home. Do you
Give him two bucks and think highly of yourself.
Direct him to a government agency that will help him.
Start a government agency that will help him.
Respect his personal choice.
Give Senator Kennedy a ride home.
5) I'm against school vouchers because...
Bad teachers need jobs too!
The NEA is against it, and a labor union certainly wouldn't do anything in its own interest.
A monopoly always yields better results than competition.
6) Bill Clinton's Welfare Reform Policy is:
A document with "GOP" scribbled out & "Bill's" written in with a fat purple magic marker.
"It's a trap that discourages work & rewards illegitimacy, and we're keeping it."
What would you like it to be?
What time is it?
7) Bill Clinton's Official Drug Policy is:
Whatever the Republicans are currently working on.
A new poster: "Don't Be A Shaggy; Share Your Drugs!"
White House aides using drugs won't be allowed to work unless they're Democrats.
"Just say no to inhaling!"
What would you like it to be?
8) Why do you admire Hillary Clinton?
Anyone who can make $100K without knowing cattle futures deserves admiring.
The only dead people I can conjure up are Paul Lynde and Redd Foxx.
If only I could lie so convincingly!
Hey! She puts up with Bill! Give her some credit.
We need more strong, intelligent women in prison.
9) What would Bill Clinton have to do for you to not vote for him?
Develop a big ugly eyestalk in the middle of his forehead.
Appear in a remake of "Bedtime for Bonzo."
Claim to be "more famous than JFK!"
Wear a t-shirt showing a bullet-riddled Snoopy.
Annex the Sudetenland and kill six million Jews.
Join the Republican party.
10) If Bill and Hillary discovered _________ in Chelsea's room, they would disown her. ONLY ONE ANSWER IS CORRECT.
A videotape with a note: "It was fun! Here's a copy--Rob Lowe"
An antique German lampshade with a registration tattoo on it.
"The Way Things Oughta Be" by Rush Limbaugh.
11) Al Gore's dynamic speech pattern makes him an excellent choice for the position of:
TalkieToy Robot recorded voice.
12) Bill Clinton strongly believes in
13) There is a logical, believeable way that missing Whitewater documents showed up in the White House reading room that adjoins Hillary's office after the administration claimed to have handed over all relevant documents:
They were being used to line Sock's box.
Time-travelling KGB spies plotting to avenge the fall of communism.
They had been blank sheets of paper until Bill spilled lemon juice on them.
That rascally David Copperfield again!
Hillary had them.
SCORING: None. IF you think this is a humor page, you're a Republican. IF you had a hard time picking the best answer because they're all so true, you're a Democrat.