I wanna write like this!

This is the first email message I got from Mitch after I started at a new job.
It's off the cuff writing like this both inspires my own attempts at fiction, while at the same time causes me to beat my head against the table because I can't write stuff like this.
This is Mitchell, calling from the planet Northboro. Mitchell from Northboro. Calling Professor Urbin. Come in Professor Urbin. This is Mitchell from Northboro!

Knock it off, Zarkov. They'll never hear you. You need better batteries. Look, why don't you run a fly pattern, and I'll hit you with a bullet just at the end of the laboratory.

Dammit, Flash, we must contact the earth to inform them of the dangers they are in from IBMing the Merciless. Or at least say hi!

Professor, we're locked in your lab, with IBMing's elite guard outside, with no power except those two C-cells from my pen light. Come one, run for the old pigskin.

Flesh, drop that mishappen ball. I'll give you something to fill your hands with.

Didn't hear you slip in, princess. My, you sure do look healthy. Uh, look, Zarkov, maybe you're right. Keep on with the radio. I'll, uh, try to get some information from the topless-uh, princess here.

Right Flash. This Mitchell, calling from the planet Northboro, Mitchell from Northboro. Come in Professor Urbin.....

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