Signature Quotes: Coffee & Caffeine

These are from my collection of sig quotes, collected from years of crawling about the Internet. Share and Enjoy...

"You are lucky because you caught me in a transitional phase. I was sitting here, eating my muffin, drinking my coffee, and I had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity." -- Pulp Fiction
"Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love." -- Turkish Proverb
Black as the devil, Hot as hell, Pure as an angel, Sweet as love. -- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord; recipe for coffee
"Blend 'B', meanwhile, is a PROUD blend, defiant yet petulant...a blend that grabs you, shakes you by the collar and cries, 'ACCEPT me, damn you, or turn me away-BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T POLLUTE ME WITH NON-DAIRY CREAMER!'" - Tripp Biscuit while coffee tasting.
Hand over the coffee and no one gets hurt
It is caffeine alone that sets my mind in motion. It is through beans of java that thoughts acquire speed, that hands acquire shakes, that shakes become a warning...I am...IN CONTROL...OF MY ADDICTION! -- From the Minicon Graffiti Wall, 1989(?)
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee.
Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.
Instant coffee takes too long.
0 Coffee! Thou dost dispel all care, thou are the object of desire to the scholar. This is the beverage of the friends of God." -- In Praise of Coffee," Arabic poem (1511)
"[Why do our men,] trifle away their time, scald their Chops, and spend their Money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty bitter stinking, nauseous Puddle water?" -- Women's Petition Against Coffee (1674)
"Coffee falls into the stomach ... ideas begin to move, things remembered arrive at full gallop ... the shafts of wit start up like sharp-shooters, similies arise, the paper is covered with ink ..." -- Honore de Balzac
DCWPDGD: Drink Coffee, Write Program, Debug, Get Drunk
Decaf: Used to sober up after a night on non-alcoholic beer!
Decaff? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream.
Deja Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before.
Don't drink coffee in the morning.
It will keep you awake until noon.
Error running WAKEUP.BAT: COFFEE.INI not found.
Espresso - just our little way of free-basing coffee.
Espresso: ultra-efficient caffeine delivery system
Everybody should believe something
I believe I'll have more coffee.
Expergiscere et coffeam olface - Wake up and smell the coffee!
He was my cream, and I was his coffee -
And when you poured us together, it was something. -- Josephine Baker
I make serious coffee. So strong it wakes up the neighbors.
I'm on a low-fat, high stress diet .... coffee and fingernails.
Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish!
Monday special, two valiums with a coffee chaser.
"The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce."
Picard always drank tea.
Kirk always drank coffee.
Any questions?
Red eye special - A double espresso with a shot of coffee
The Goddess Loves You!
Just don't push it till she's had her coffee!
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Instant human, just add a quart of coffee.
Then I thought: What kind of world is this when you worry that people might be ripping you off by selling you coffee that was NOT pooped out by a weasel? -- Dave Barry, Columnist
"A sharp perfume arose, like coffee struck by lighting." - Bruce Sterling
"We've lost the Warp Core? So how do I power my cappuccino maker now?"
A coffee break for Sisyphus!
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." -- Paul Erdos
A morning without coffee is like sleep.
Amazing what caffeine and no sense of self-preservation can do
"No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee's frothy goodness." -- Sheik Abd-al-Kadir
"I make lousy coffee. That's why I put bourbon in it..."
"Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors?"
C:>COFFEE.COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez.

Caffeine keeps you up. I died last week. Go figure.
DISCLAIMER: This mail was answered before my first coffee.
"Coffee sweetened with No-Doz...Programmers' fuel..."
Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich.
"If geiger counter does not click, the coffee, she is just not thick." -- Pitr Dubovich, User Friendly
Q: "How much caffeine do you consume on a daily basis?"
Pitr Dubovich: "Dependink on how you mean? Liquid, solid or gas? "
Q: Vodka, barbeque, pizza, beer - which is essential for the post-modern coder?
Pitr Dubovich: "You are forgettink caffeine, comrade."
"Does bacteria culture in coffee cup qualify as pet? Have already givink it name." -- Pitr Dubovich
"Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast." -- P.J. O'Rourke, The bachelor home companion. A practical guide to keeping house like a pig.
"I'm not going to die; I'm going to disappear in a blinding flash of sugar and caffiene!" -- Jason Riek
Coffee hath aroma that doth soothe the savage beast...
Ambidextrose: Able to put sugar in coffee with either hand.
"Bad day: The health inspector condemns your coffee maker."
Be a coffee-drinking individual...espresso yourself!
"Bother! said Pooh, as he put the coffee in the microwave."
Coffee : break fluid
DOC's? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with?
1453 - Turkish law makes it legal for a woman to divorce her husband if he fails to provide her with her daily coffee quota.
"I like my coffee black as a moonless night."
"I like my coffee like my women: hot, strong, steamy."
Navy coffee - the real adventure!
RISING.SUN detected : (A)nother coffee, (C)old shower, (S)leep?
"You might be a Caffeine Addict if you have on more than one occasion snorted instant coffee."
You might be a Caffeine Addict if you see nothing wrong with using water joe (the caffeinated water) to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
"Good morning, sir, can I get you anything?"
"I want God's assurance that this move to France isn't the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life."
"We have coffee."
"Even better." -- John Nowak
"We secretly replaced the dilithium with Folger's Crystals...
Lets watch as they go to warp..."
Black coffee, blue morning.
Black gold - not oil, but coffee!
Brain dead. His coffee cup has more IQ.
Caffeine Binge: That which is necessary to function normally.
Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin!
"I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things start to happen." -- Gary Larson
"Coffee is a fleeting moment and a fragrance." -- Claudia Roden
"After all, coffee is bitter, a flavor from the forbidden and dangerous realm." -- Diane Ackerman
"If There's Any Justice In The Universe...
...the person who decided, when confronted this morning with the fact that there was less than half a pot each of regular and decaf in the office breakroom, that what we really needed at 9 AM was another pot of decaf will surely burn in hell. Roasting on a spit, slowly turned by a minor demon, for all eternity." -- CD Harris
"Western civilization + coffee = capitalism. Go caffeine!" -- John Nowak
"Ah! How sweet coffee tastes! Lovelier than a thousand kisses, sweeter far than muscatel wine! I must have coffee..." -- J. S. Bach
Coffee is my only REAL friend.
"Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deficiency"
"I think our coffee machine is networked - I keep seeing these dropped sugar packets all around it."
"And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were Civil Libertarians . . . they were blowing people's heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage -- and it wasn't even coffee." -- Dennis Miller
"Programming is the process of converting caffeine into error messages"
"That and $8.50 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks." -- Ann Coulter
"It occurred to me this morning that coffee is like Viagra for the brain. After you drink coffee, your brain may still be small and ineffective, but at least it will function." -- Steve
"goth clubs should serve coffee. ice cold coffee. with nails and broken glass. and call them 'depresso's"
Note to self: Stop drinking coffee.
Self to note: Fuck off.

"It's a sad tale, but true. The thrifty young student comes to campus in pursuit of knowledge, only be to led astray by casual sex, recreational drugs and the sweet aromas of the roasted coffee bean." - David Adesnik
"Alternatively, if you prefer to be smugly superior in your trendy relativism, throw on some black clothes, buy some clove cigarettes, and head down to the local coffeehouse, and stop pestering those of us who are living in the 21st Century."
"The good life is one that's artistically made. Here's something pompous - you take your day and ­artistically create it, so every moment has an artistic flavor. Drink your coffee with consciousness." -- William Shatner
C:\ COFFEE.COM NOT FOUND. REBOOT USER Y/N?" This is called catastrophic system , or "the brown java screen of death." System will now go irretrievably into snooze mode and will require a cold boot adding to the .ini file to restart. This is a very dangerous error and must be handled gently and correctly... -- Mike Kerns
"Coffee is like voting. It should be done early and often."
Yes, I've heard of 'decaf'. What's your point?
I will not brew decaf. Decaf is the mind-killer. Decaf brings the little sleep that leads to total oblivion. I will embrace my caffeine. I will brew beverages and let them flow through, and when they are gone, I will remain...alert.
Bean me up, Scotty! They make lousy coffee down here.
"If coffee is my spinach, then sunlight is my kryptonite." -- Veronica Belmont
"Caffeine is a safe and readily available drug and its ability to stabilize the blood brain barrier means it could have an important part to play in therapies against neurological disorders." -- The BBC
"Decaffeinated coffee; invented by the devil and marketed by Mephistopheles, I'll warrant." -- Robin Bloor
"Making coffee. Strong, fully caffeinated coffee! Decaf - why bother?" -- Paul Blankenship
"I'll start drinking tea over coffee when the big hand is on Never and the little hand is on Ain't Gonna Happen." -- James Lileks
"That last bit of coffee from the french press has a delicious kick to it."
"Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions!!"
"Twitter - coffee = NO" -- Jim Treacher
"Remember, nothing is real till you finish your first coffee!"
Is there a greater evil than to take the last cup of coffee and not making a fresh pot?
"I need a coffee so bad that the apocalypse could be going on around me and I would still find the closest dealer."
"The Bass, the rock, the mic, the treble. I like my coffee black just like my metal."
"There is no such thing as coffee that is too strong. Only people who are too weak" -- The Coffee Cowboy
"As music tames the savage beast, coffee civilizes manunkind." -- David Fullerton
"I drink coffee for your protection."
"My blood type is coffee."
"Caffeine and white boards produce ideas."
"Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol!"
"I like my coffee how I like myself: Dark, bitter, and too hot for you."
"There is a time and place for Decaf. Never and in the trash."
Coffee: The other vitamin C.
"Coffee. A warm, delicious alternative to hating everybody every morning, FOREVER!"
"I can't stop drinking the coffee. If I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking, and the words putting into sentence doing." -- Lorelai Gilmore
The Middleman: Caffeine is a drug, Dubbie.
Wendy: I'm holding a molecular stun cannon.
"Hot. Black. Bitter. Coffee or my soul?"
"You can do it!" -- Coffee
"I saw this guy today at Starbucks. No iPhone, no tablet, no laptop. He just sat there. Drinking coffee. Like a psychopath."
"Talk to me, you little cup of coffee. Tell me the secrets of today and decide if we are gonna behave or not."
"Time to rise and grind."
"Coffee is a gift to myself. It says, 'Here is something to make your day a little better. Please don't get arrested.'"
Perkatory: The anguished, prolonged period spent waiting for a fresh pot of coffee to be ready.
"Mornings are for coffee and contemplation."
"I'm running entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts."
"I recommend refraining from calling coffee 'a cup of joe' out of respect for coffee."
"The difference between coffee and your opinion is I asked for coffee."
"Procaffeinating: The tendency to not do anything until you have coffee."
"The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee."
If asked "How do I take my coffee," I reply "Seriously, very seriously."
A day without coffee is like... just kidding. I have no idea.
"They say laughter is the best medicine. They lied. It's coffee."
"Coffee has given me unrealistic expectationsof productivity."
UNCOMMON GROUNDS: The History of Coffee and How it Transformed Our World
Start and Run a Coffee Bar

A song about Espresso.
A Coffee montage

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