Signature Quotes: What's left over. Part XII

These are my collection of sig quotes, collected from years of crawling about the Internet. Share and Enjoy...

"What are the facts? Again and again and again - what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what "the stars foretell," avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable "verdict of history" - what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!" -- Robert A. Heinlein

"On the long list of things that cops don't like, up there near the top is acting if finding a corpse is purely a private matter." -- Archie Goodwin, The Second Confession by Rex Stout

Mountain guardian,
Saint Bernard's heart warm and kind,
Rescue in the snow.

"May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk."

Bud Light: The Drag Queen of Beers

DILLIGAF: Do I look like I give a fuck

Colt 1911
A lethal masterpiece forged
Freedom's sharp-edged sword

The Colt 1911
A classic, reliable sidearm
A true American icon.

"Fail, Learn, Iterate, succeed."

"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant." -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus

"[Dwight] Yoakam's voice is a dead cross of Merle Haggard's early voice and Lefty Frizzell's" -- Thom Jurek

"We've seen that promise of a bright future, made it real, and killed it, skinned it, and worn it as a hat."

"Never mistake motion for action" -- Ernest Hemingway

"Nude is when your clothes are off. Naked is when your clothes are off and you are up to something."

Rescue in snow's grace,
Saint Bernard, gentle hero,
Warm hearts with wet nose.

"I've heard on good authority that all TV weathermen are furries."

"Don't argue with them. Just shitpost until they cry." -- Sun Tzu, probably...

"Your dad buys Bud Light at Target." -- A Biden occupation of the White House era children's taunt.

"It's only existentialism if it comes from the existentialism region of France. Otherwise, it's just sparkling anxiety."

Any "scientific" journal that uses a term like "birthing people" is not a scientific journal.

"If, according to Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches, and if, according to Lil Wayne, bitches come a dime a dozen, it means that one good girl is worth $8.33 USD."

"Use your intelligence guided by experience." -- Nero Wolfe

"A Learjet SWAT team, on a midnight run, got a CAR-15 and an Ingram gun..." -- Jungle Work by Warren Zevon

"Money isn't everything in life, but poverty fucking sucks."

"Relativity applies to physics, not ethics." -- Albert Einstein

"The Illuminati makes more sense than the Patriarchy."

"Don't draw your line in the sand in quicksand."

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." -- C.S. Lewis

Veganism is a cult.

"But the biggest argument against it being completely true is the horrible inefficiency of the whole thing. No matter how slick the World Economic Forum makes their PowerPoint slide decks, whoever is running the world behind the scenes is completely fucking incompetent since it's a mess. Calling the world a dumpster fire is an insult to flaming garbage." -- Athenaeum, Inc. : Door Number Three by Kemp, Dan

"Just in the bizness of doin' bizness."

"Trouble is the wellspring of interesting fiction."

"I must not get takeout. Takeout is the wallet-killer. Takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. I will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. When hunger is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

"You have a heavy machine gun mounted in the bed of your 1994 Toyota pickup truck. Unless you live in Kentucky, this is a red flag."

"If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?"

Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works, but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: nothing works, and no one knows why.

"That's the thing about public safety. There is always going to be members of the public that you cannot trust with other's safety."

"Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution." -- Albert Einstein

"Sometimes you have to hug the people you don't like so you know how big to dig the hole in the back yard."

"Don't be careful. Be competent." -- Tom Cruise

"People go to the movies to be entertained, not lectured at."

"You know, it's quite all right to give the underdog a hand, but only one hand. Keep the other hand on your pistol - or he'll try to eat the one you gave him!" -- H. Beam Piper

"Remember, water ain't gonna clear until the hogs are out of the creek."

"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done."

"Unfortunately science is only splendid when it is science. When science becomes religion, it becomes superstition." -- G.K. Chesterton

"If you're going to cause chaos, you need to be organized."

"Life is tough. Get a helmet."

"Controlled chaos will always take the path of least resistance."

"Mojo Dojo Casa House"

"If your Schadenboner lasts for more than four hours...Enjoy It!" -- Sarah Hoyt

"It's Magic, until it's not."

"Thou shalt not leave unnecessary physical evidence."

"Please, test that assumption and then take note of the results."

"In New England, not being a people pleaser is part of the regional charm."

"I have bigger fish to fight."

"We'll burn that bridge when we get to it."

"We'll drive off that bridge when we get to it."

"You can lead a horse to water, but if you drown it you'll have to walk home."

"Opening a can of whales."

"You opened this can of whales, now lie in it."

"Bicycles are the most efficient machine yet invented for turning energy into motion. Indeed, the bicycle has been accurately described as a kind of green car, which can run on tap water and tea cakes and, moreover, has a built-in gym." -- Lord Taverne, UK House of Lords, in Nov 2015 debate

"In any case you mustn't confuse a single failure with a final defeat." -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Taxes. The scourge that corrupts all timelines."

"Stick with the people who pull the magic out of you and not the madness."

"I've got a date with destiny and it ain't gonna end with a kiss."

"Wind turbines are like strippers. They stop working when you stop throwing money at them."

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"If a man dwells on the past, then he robs the present. But if a man igonores the past, he may rob the future. The seeds of our destiny are nutured by the roots of our past."

"You are not entitled to your opinion, you are entitled to your informed opinion. If you are not informed on the subject, then your opinion counts for nothing." -- Harlan Ellison

"The place was so nasty, the rats complained to the health department."

"Competence Porn" is scorned by middle aged English professors with bad sex lives, who write bad novels about middle aged English professors who cheat on their wives with their hot students, then feel guilty about it, and have "moral struggles and reaweknings."

"If it's too rock 'n' roll for a hillbilly and too hillbilly for rock 'n' roll, and it's got a bad attitude, we're playing it on Outlaw Country, and it feels good!" -- Mojo Nixon

"Be brief. Be brilliant. Be gone."

"[H]alf the hookers in Seoul are innocent college girls trying to make their tuition money, and the other half of them are lieutenants in North Korean military intelligence." -- Doubling Down: Athenaeum Inc, Volume Two by Dan Kemp

"This fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined."

"History doesn't just repeat itself ... it gets louder each time."

"Very few of us are what we seem." -- Agatha Christie

"If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes."

"The biggest problem of the 21st century is that people have turned their backs on American exceptionalism."

RAT - Randomly assigned task

"Don't beat your self up. Let other people do it for you."

"Thyme 2 turnip the beet!"

"Peppermint Patty's real name is Patricia Reichardt."

"My hot take on '15 minute cities' is if you can get the to the coffee shop within 15 minutes, but the barista who makes your drink can't afford to live closer than a half-hour away, then you live in a theme park." -- Dan Wentzel

"I will tell you this, there is a story there... Make something out of it. And if you can't do that, sir, then - make it up!" -- Masked and Anonymous

YGWYR: You Get What You Reward

"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action" -- Ian Fleming, Goldfinger

"A man's shirt on a woman is like a flag on a conquered fortress."

"Is there a degree of necessariness?" -- Should in the Project Management Hall of Fame

"It's okay to be a little fucked up in the head. We all are. It's only when you're fucked up in heart that makes you a piece of shit." -- Tony Soprano

"Do the right thing, for the right reason."

Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs

Jinxed wizards pluck ivy from the big quilt.

We promptly judged antique ivory buckles for the next prize.

Jaded zombies acted quaintly but kept driving their oxen forward.

The job requires extra pluck and zeal from every young wage earner.

"A well-cultivated mind is the greatest fortress in battle; it is calm in the storm - clarity in chaos."

"We do this not because it's easy, but because we thought it would be easy."

In the words of the Ancients, 'It will look cool when it's done.'

"If you want to be offended, you always will be offended. Just a life tip."

"Above all else, the devil cannot stand to be mocked." -- C.S. Lewis

"At every job you should either learn or earn. Either is fine. Both is best. But if it's neither, quit."

"Squeezing the water out of that rock."

"ipse dixit: A legal term for bullshit."

"Your home has the aesthetic of a dentists office and the comfort level of an airport lounge."

INTP problem #1: I'm not trying to undermine you, I'm genuinely trying to understand your reasoning.

"Vampires don't live in castles, Count Dracula lived in a castle because he was a count, not because he was a vampire."

"The juice ain't worth the squeeze"

"I don't need a recipe for disaster. I usally just eyeball it."

"There won't be much of a planet left to save if the windmills kill every single bird on its surface."

"In self defense and in defense of the innocent, cowardice is the only sin." -- Dean Koontz

"Where my attention goes, engergy flows."

"Protons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic."

"A greedy nymphomaniac is an apex predator." -- Roger Alan Wade

"You're gnomebody till somebody's garden loves you."

"I'm sweating like a pig that knows he's dinner."

"Con men work because they make you feel that they trust you, not that you trust them."

"Is a corndog like a kabob like hotdog is a sandwich?"

"Fed two birds with one scone."

"Take Out" can mean food, dating, and murder. If you are a praying Mantis, it can be all three at once.

"Profits are the mothers milk of stocks."

"What American needs is real DEI: Discipline, Excellence, and Intelligence." -- Mark Robinson

"Chicken noodle soup is a deconstructed dumpling."

Rudolf to lead them all,
one nose to light them
one glow to lead them all
and through the dark night guide them

"The best camouflage pattern is called, 'Sit down and be quiet!' Your grandpa hunted deer in a red plaid coat. Think about that for a second." -- Fred Bear

"Plan A always goes up in flames."

"The first rule of cooking is to have fun and be yourself. The first rule of baking is to stay calm because the dough can sense fear. This is why you punch the dough into submission."

"Go green with safe, carbon free, nuclear energy."

"You will never understand bureaucracies until you understand that for bureaucrats procedure is everything and outcomes are nothing." -- Thomas Sowell.

"The cure for a fallacious argument is a better argument, not the suppression of ideas." -- Carl Sagan

You changed a light bulb but you wanted to post it to Linkedin: "Single-handledly managed and delivered successful upgrade and deployment of the new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, zero safety incidents and reduced the energy consumption by 50% with the new system."

"For All True Tales are but Part of a Greater!"

"When in doubt invoke tradition and improvise."

"I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 23rd time."

"Money doesn't talk. It screams."

"Smashing up every bottle we keep bottled up inside."

"If you are going to stand out, you might as well be outstanding."

"Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." -- Immanuel Kant

"In the album of life, one track ends and another begins."

"Meat consumed as a comfort food is also an emotional support animal."

"I've posted 9 puns recently, but none of them got liked. If this one doesn't either, then no pun in ten did."

"A good 1911 is still the pistol of choice for those with the class to appreciate vintage craftsmanship, though a Browning High Power is also acceptable." -- Dan Kemp, Doubling Down

"I've been called way worse by way better." -- Dan Kemp, Doubling Down

"That was some ruthless Wednesday Adams kind of shit." -- Dan Kemp, Doubling Down

"In Prince's funky name, Amen."

"That kind of love that tastes like red wine and bad decisions but feels like fate."

"If you don't make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness."

"Far better an approximate answer to the right question, which is often vague, than an exact answer to the wrong question, which can always be made precise." -- John W. Tukey, The Future of Data Analysis, 1962

"It's okay if you don't have all your ducks in a row yet. Some of use don't have ducks, we have squirrels hyped up on Pixie Sticks."

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself - I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy. Today I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead. Tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." -- Groucho Marx

"Celibacy and asceticism are hard, especially when there's money and women to be had." -- Stephen Green

"Beware the new hotness."

As an adult you must cultivate the skill of "Gross! Oh, well. Not my business."

"It's called Broad daylight because women light up the world."

"The only thing worst than a toxic culture is a fake caring culture."

"Etymologists are on Tumblr for the same reason Primatologists are out in the jungle. It's where the monkeys are."

"You are afraid to be corny, but I was born on the cob."

Main Sig Quote Page