"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal." -- Groucho Marx
LGBT: Liquor, Guns, Bacon, and Tits!
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -- Dr. Suess
"If it flies, floats, or fucks, rent it."
"Never make the first offer in a negotiation."
"Perfection is the enemy of profit."
"The burqa is a forced sex slave uniform."
"Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let's try to leave better kids for our planet." -- Adam Carolla
"The paper has a right to determine what is proper for our readers." -- Mike Thayer, inside sales supervisor, Cleveland Plain Dealer
"...apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?" -- Life of Brian
"Individual Muslims may show splendid qualities, but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world..." -- Winston Churchill, The River War (1899)
"Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation." -- Charlotte Bronte
"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."
"Whatever it is you want in life, go sit at the feet of masters... just don't stay too long."
"Find out who you are and do it on purpose." -- Dolly Parton
"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal." -- Winston Churchill
"Columbus was an immigrant who brought much needed diversity."
"Why is nine so unpopular? Because it's odd and a real square."
"Both Chrissie Hynde and Rachel Sweet are from Akron, Ohio"
"If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening my axe." -- President Abraham Lincoln
"Never push loyal people to the point where they don't give a damn." -- Peter Drucker, 1909-2005
"There is an amazing amount of freedom in not giving a fuck."
"I don't play monsters, I play men besieged by fate and out for revenge." -- Vincent Price
"A mind like a wonderfully intricate piece of machinery with all the screws just a little lose."
"A man should always have access to emergency pants." -- Owen Z. Pitt
"No generalization is true, not even this one."
"Definition of a dilemma: You're vegan and you do CrossFit What do you talk about first?"
"Start off at the bottom, and work your way down from there."
"Hello," she said in a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled.
"If you build a church without Jesus, what you get a warehouse."
"What vitiates entirely the socialists' economic critique of capitalism is their failure to grasp the sovereignty of the consumers in the market economy." -- Ludwig Von Mises (1881-1973) Austrian economist.
"Every ship at the bottom of the ocean had a chart room."
"To be broke is not a disgrace, it is only a catastrophe." -- Nero Wolfe, The League of Frightened Men by Rex Stout
"Fast is fine, but accuracy is final. You must learn to be slow in a hurry." -- Wyatt Earp
"That which is dead cannot die." -- H.P. Lovecraft
"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic. If words control you that means everyone can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass." -- Bruce Lee
"If your gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough."
"Euphemism, the counterfeit of good manners, is the enemy of truth, which is the only ally worth having."
"What ever gets you high will always bring you down."
"Because there is very little honor left in American life, there is a certain built-in tendency to destroy masculinity in American men." -- Norman Mailer
"Get yourself an office with a computer and a secretary, and you can scam your way though to anything."
"To build a strong team you must see someone else's strength as a complement to your weakness, not a threat to your position or authority." -- Christine Caine
"Before today, I was scared to live, after today, I'm scared I'm not living enough."
"Vaccines cause adults."
"Moral indignation is a technique used to endow the idiot with dignity." -- Marshall McLuhan
Quotes collected from the net by Eclipse Main Sig Quote Page