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"You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common, they don't alter their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit the views, which can be uncomfortable, if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering." -- Doctor Who, THE FACE OF EVIL
"Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed -- but a woman is always a woman." -- Captain James T. Kirk, "The Conscience of the King", stardate 2818.9
"The Street finds its own uses for technology." -- William Gibson
"...Deep Hack Mode--that mysterious and frightening state of consciousness where Mortal Users fear to tread." -- Matt Welsh
"There's only one kind of woman ..."
"Or man, for that matter. You either believe in yourself or you don't." -- James Kirk and Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1330.1
Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free.
Mighty starships plied their way between exotic suns, seeking adventure and reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space. In those days, spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before -- and thus was the Empire forged.
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Will you follow me into fire, into storm, into darkness, into death? And the nine said yes. Then do it in testemony to the one who will follow, who will bring death, couched in the promise of new life, and renewal, disguised as defeat.
From birth, through death and renewal, you must put aside old things, old fears, old lives, This is your death. The death of flesh. The Death of pain. The death of yesterday. Taste of it, and be not afraid, for I am with you, to the end of time.
-- Minbari Rebirth/Marriage Ceremony, Babylon Five.
"Let me tell you what you're dealing with here. I run a franchise. The company hires me to dig as much ore as possible out of this hellhole. My hookers are clean, some of them are good looking. My booze isn't watered. The workers are happy. When the workers are happy they dig more ore and get paid more bonus money. When the workers dig more ore, the company's happy...when the company's happy I'm happy." -- Peter Boyle, "Outland".
"Your focus determines your reality." -- Qui-Gon Jinn - Phantom Menace
"It may be irrational of me, but human beings are quite my favourite species." -- Doctor WHO and the Ark in Space
"Ray, the next time someone asks you if you are a god - you say, YES!" -- Winston Zeddemore - Ghostbusters
"Voila: the ZF-1. It's light. Handle's adjustable for easy carrying; good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into 4 parts, undetectable by x-ray; ideal for quick, discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Three thousand round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. With the Replay button (another Zorg invention) it's even easier. One shot, and Replay sends every following shot to the same location. And to finish the job, all the Zorg oldies but goldies. Rocket launcher. Arrow launcher, with explodin' and poisonous gas heads. Very practical. Our famous net launcher. The ALWAYS efficient flame-thrower. My favorite. And for the Grand Finale, the all new 'Ice Cube System!'" -- Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg (The Fifth Element)
"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe." -- Marcus, B5
Vir Cotto: Ah, he has become one with his inner self.
Garibaldi: He's passed out.
Vir Cotto: That too.
"When I said my quarters were cold, I did not mean "Oh, I think it is a little chilly in here. Perhaps I'll throw a blanket on the bed." No! I said it was cold! As in, "Oh look - my left arm has snapped off like an icicle and shattered on the floor!" -- Londo Mollari, Babylon 5
Lensmen eat Jedi for breakfast.
"Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal." -- Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
"It [being a Vulcan] means to adopt a philosophy, a way of life which is logical and beneficial. We cannot disregard that philosophy merely for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be." -- Spock, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.4
"I refuse to flick and swish on principle." - Torg the Lastnameless One, Sluggy Freelance 9/14/02
Wanted fan on C'thon and Sparta
And the Hub's ten million stars
Wanted fan for singin' silly
In a thousand spaceport bars
If it weren't for f**king NASA
We'd at least have walked on Mars
And if I can't make orbit
Then I'll never reach the stars
-- Fallen Angels, by Niven, Pournelle and Flynn:
"Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either." -- Willow to Oz, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"This was a Golden Age, a time of high adventure, rich living, and hard dying... but nobody thought so. This was a future of fortune and theft, pillage and rapine, culture and vice... but nobody admitted it." -- Alfred Bester, "The Stars My Destination"
The Encyclopaedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as 'Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With'. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes', with a footnote to effect that the editors would welcome applications from anyone interested in taking over the post of robotics correspondent.
Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopaedia Galactica that had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years in the future defined the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came'. -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
"His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circumstances being what they were, neither admission could be of any benefit. Silence, though, could. It was in the days of the rains that their prayers went up, not from the fingering of knotted prayer cords or the spinning of prayer wheels, but from the great pray-machine in the monastery of Ratri, goddess of the Night. The high-frequency prayers were directed upward through the atmosphere and out beyond it, passing into that golden cloud called the Bridge of the Gods, which circles the entire world, is seen as a bronze rainbow at night and is the place where the red sun becomes orange at midday. Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique..." -- Roger Zelazny, "Lord of Light"
"What shall we do?" said Twoflower.
"Panic?" said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival; back in the olden days, his theory went, people faced with hungry sabretoothed tigers could be divided very simply into those who panicked and those who stood there saying "What a magnificent brute!" and "Here, pussy." -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"
"There was death afoot in the darkness." -- "The Man of Bronze"
"I figured there was this holocaust, right, and the only ones left alive were Donna Reed, Ozzie and Harriet, and the Cleavers." -- Wil Wheaton explains why everyone in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" is so nice.
"Oh bother!" said the Borg, as they assimilated Pooh.
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius
"Seven of Nine did have nice...attributes, but I'd take Ivanova every day of the week and twice on Sunday over the Borgified 6 of 9.
Ivanova has Passion, 7 had implants..."
"Well, at the least the monster seems to always make sure the girl's satisfied...That's a lot more than I can say about my last few boyfriends." -- MegaToyko
+He cY83rpUnk r4CK3d +He 5L1d3 0N hI5 5HOt9Un 4ND 54Id, "r0+4+e +hI5!"
"Give us all your celery." -- Motto of the Treecat Liberation Army
"I'm beginning to think the Posleen aren't all bad. They might eat you, but at least they're not postmodernists." -- Phil Fraering
"Ask ten different scientists about the environment, population control, genetics - and you'll get ten different answers. But there's one thing every scientist on the planet agrees on: whether it happens in a hundred years, or a thousand years, or a million years, eventually our sun will grow cold, and go out. When that happens, it won't just take us, it'll take Marilyn Monroe, and Lao-tsu, Einstein, Maruputo, Buddy Holly, Aristophanes - all of this. All of this was for nothing, unless we go to the stars." -- Babylon5
"Florence is good at keeping things civilized, because she makes it so clear what will happen if things get uncivilized." -- Freefall
"I am a Ranger. We live for the One, we die for the One. We go to the dark places where no one else dares venture! We stand on the bridge and no one passes." -- Babylon5
"It may be comforting to think that bravery and a good heart are enough to repel the Dark Lord. But having guns that fire 4,000 rounds a minute makes a difference, too." -- James Surowiecki, "Drop the Gun: The Two Towers' Wishful Technophobia"
WASH: That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?
- Firefly, Objects in Space
L. Ron is Dead!
(but Elvis is writing his books.)
"That sagging old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow. Half the quadrant knows it. That's why they're learning to speak Klingoni." -- ST:TOS, Trouble with the Tribbles
"For the better part of a decade, I've been on panel after panel, and gone to convention after convention, and listened to the fans talk about what they'd like to see in an SF series. How they want solid characters, imaginative stories, no kids or cute robots, using science the way it should be used, not talking down to the audience. That desire has been noted." -- JMS
"And there shall be caused to be built dark alleyways, where-in the mockers and unrighteous shall, in their turns, have their heads laid open and, likewise, their fat lips busted. And this shall be pleasing in the sight of heaven." -Marid Audran, When Gravity Fails.
"I go for what someone at the BBC once said: "There are some people we WANT to offend."" -- JMS
Crichton: "How come I'm not afraid?"
D'Argo: "Fear accompanies the possibility of death, calm shepherds its certainty."
Crichton: "I love hangin' with you, man..."
'Abort, Retry, Fail?' was the phrase some wormdog scrawled next to the door of the Edit Universe project room. And when the new dataspinners started working, fabricating their worlds on the huge organic comp systems, we'd remind them: if you see this message, always choose 'Retry.' -- Alpha Centauri
Beat you like a bad Dobby!
"I'm not an adult! I don't want to create responsible shows with lawyers in them. I want to invade people's dreams." -- Joss Whedon
"The Keymaker thing was cool and all, but I preferred Sigourney Weaver's performance as the Gatekeeper." --
"When in doubt, Gene always had Kirk get into a fight with God." -- David Gerrold
"Well I can't believe that you would hold the future of mankind in the balance because of money!" -- Jason Carter as Commander Deckins in Starship II: Rendezvous With Ramses
"To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"Do the gods hate crépe avec citron or science fiction?"
"Just Battlestar Galactica fanfic." -- John Nowak in conversation with an Egyptian God
"At least it tells us they understand our language, they're just not willing to speak to us in it. Who knew they were French?" -- Marcus Cole, B5 "Voices Of Authority"
"I felt like we were in one of those comic books the PTA kept passing resolutions against." -- Robert Heinlein, Have Spacesuit Will Travel.
"Revenge is a dish best served cold" - Old Klingon Proverb
"Keep clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark" -- Robert Heinlein
"Its not my ass that I'm worried about." -- Duncan Macleod
"Another glorious day in the Corps! Every meal a banquet, every paycheck a fortune! I love the Corps!" -- Sgt. Apone, Aliens
"It's a Russian thing. Before we do something really stupid, we like to document the full extent of our stupidy; for future reference." -- Commander Susan Ivanova, B5
"If you hide your ignorance no one will hit you and you will never learn." - Ray Bradbury
"I sense millions of minds focused on my cleavage." -- Troi
"In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to be used as a floatation device." -- Commander Data, Star Trek Insurrection
"It's bad luck to die on empty stomach." -- G'kar, Babylon5
Blonde Klingons: Because it was a good day to dye!
Borger King: Have it our way, your way is irrelevant.
Defect borg: Refutile is sistance. Your ass will be simulated.
Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution...
Meesa Jar Jar Binks of Borg! Yousa gonna be Assim'lated!
Don't let Kirk show you what he affectionately calls the "Captain's Log"
"Mr Spock, about these aliens you've detected. Which sort are they? Do I have to fall in love with their leader, or can we just go ahead and load up the photon torpedoes?"
"I don't know. I'm making this up as I go." -- Indiana Jones
"This is Porky Pig of the Borg. You will be asi asi asi asi asi; you will join us."
"By G'Quan, I can't recall the last time I was in a fight like that. No moral ambiguity. No hopeless battle against ancient and overwhelming forces. They were the bad guys, as you say. We were the good guys. And they made a very satisfying thump when they hit the floor." -- G'Kar The Red Knight to King Arthur.
"It is a crime against SF that this series [Firefly] was cancelled." -- Loren Wiseman
"There is one hell of a lot more to FANDOM than writing kinky sex stories about the characters!" -- Doug Berry
"What we don't need is another whiny PC opus made be some guy who thinks he knows how to remake a science fiction/fantasy classic because he worked for a few years on Star Trek." -- Terry Carlino on the remake of Battlestar Gallactica
"I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side." -- Marvin the paranoid android
"Increasingly, the lines between science fiction and fantasy are becoming blurred, and vanish at the hands of adventuresome writers and fantasy gamers." -- S. John Ross
"Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen." -- The Agnostic's Prayer, Roger Zelazny, Creatures of Light and Darkness, 1969
"...and no self-respecting Heinlein character would pay to have his enemy beat him up. He'd do it himself, then cook a gourmet meal for the survivors before re-inventing the hyperdrive to get him, his livestock, and seven beautiful, red-headed concubines off planet...." -- Bruce Johnson
"Between the horror movies, the bad monster movies and the fantasy stuff trying to find real science fiction, even bad science fiction, on SciFi is getting to be a real chore." -- Terry Carlino
"Young man,the conversation was between Lord Trask and myself. And when someone says something you don't understand, don't tell him he's crazy. Ask him what he means. What DO you mean Lord Trask?" -- Captain Otto Harkaman "Space Viking" H. Beam Piper
"Sorry but the Posleen bypassed Berkley. There are somethings that even Posleen can't stomach." -- Paul Howard
You called your world "Dirt"???
Actually, no. We named dirt after our world. The difference is subtle...
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?
"It was a very Russian smile; it did not reach the eyes." -- John Ringo, A Hymn Before Battle
"The guard's terrified expression landed six feet away, along with the rest of his head." -- Random fanfic quote of the day.
"I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones." -- The Doctor
"Dead or alive, you're coming with me." -- Robocop
"Doomed is your soul and damned is your life." -- John Worfin, Buckaroo Banzai
"The Hitch Hiker's Guide has not been an opera. It has however been a tapestry, if you count a woven bath towel as a tapestry." -- Douglas Adams
"Well, to be fair I did have a couple of gadgets he probably didn't, like a teaspoon and an open mind." -- The Doctor
"What! You've been assigned to SECURITY? On the ENTERPRISE? Boy, I sure hope your insurance is paid up, pal!" -- overheard in a corridor, Star Base 5
"History doesn't always repeat itself. Sometimes it just screams, 'Why don't you listen to me?' and lets fly with a big stick." --John W. Campbell Jr.
"The future is already here, it just isn't evenly distributed." -- William Gibson
"When the customer demands the impossible, they will end up buying from the guy who offers them the impossible. And the results, though tragic, are sadly predictable." -- Robert A. Heinlien
I personally haven't been so singularly disturbed by an atrocity since I had to sit through all of "The Matrix: Reloaded." -- Ann Coulter
"It’s gotta be Bones. Bones has gotta be a percussionist." -- Kiki Stockhammer on where the Rock'n'Roll is in Star Trek
Heinlein's Rules
You must write.
You much finish what you start.
You must refrain from rewriting except to editorial order.
You must put your story on the market.
You must keep it on the market until it sells.
You must start working on something else.
"Their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified the mythology of rights... and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can survive." -- Colonel DuBois in Starship Troopers
"I would say that my position is not too far from that of Ayn Rand's; that I would like to see government reduced to no more than internal police and courts, external armed forceswith the other matters handled otherwise. I'm sick of the way the government sticks its nose into everything, now." -- Robert A. Heinlein, as quoted by J. Neil Schulman in The Robert Heinlein Interview and Other Heinleiniana
"...open-market democratic capitalism isn't the best system of government in the world, it just works the best." -- John Ringo, There Will Be Dragons
The Frakir Syndrome - Having an item that's more interesting than you are.
Who holds the orbitals, holds the planet.
"Contrary to popular belief, we science fiction writers don’t predict the future -- we try to prevent undesirable futures." -- Sir Arthur C. Clarke
"People who object to weapons aren't abolishing violence, they're begging for rule by brute force, where the biggest, strongest animals among men were always automatically 'right.' Guns ended that, and social democracy is a hollow farce without an armed populace to make it work." - L. Neil Smith, The Probability Broach
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life." -- "Beyond This Horizon" by Robert Heinlein,1942
"The only male heroes who are allowed any testosterone are Klingons, because cultural diversity outweighs sexual correctness. (In other words, it's OK for them to be macho 'cause it is "their way.")" -- David Brin on Star Trek
The Theiss Theory of Titillation (named for ST:TOS costume designer William Ware Theiss): "The degree to which a costume is considered sexy is proportional to how likely it is to fall off."
Q: If given the chance, would you pimpslap George Lucas for Jar-Jar Binks?
A: There really is worse travesties in this world. For instance, can I pimpslap him for Howard the Duck instead?
"What many newer fans forget is that in many ways Star Trek (TOS) was a political commentary show. They were able to touch on subjects that could have never been done on TV at the time, because the censors didn't take SF serious. In addition it was damn good adventure show as well. Don't forget the mini-skirted uniforms (and the young women wore wore them) and green exotic women!" -- Mark Urbin
"Kimball Kinnison could drop-kick Yoda the length of a Patrol Cruiser's main Bergenholm resonance chamber without breaking a sweat."
Han shot first.
"No, not you, Riker! I'd like it if you, and your "I'm feeling anxiety" girlfriend, stayed the hell out of my series! What? Oh, crap!" -- Princess Kimberly
"One must never forget to taste the present, the fleeting, sweetest moment you can ever know no matter how many adventures you pursue. There is nothing like the now, to cleanse you." -- Darth Vader in his blog
"Why do I have the feeling that Lucas dictated this script to a stenographer while putting into a Burger King cup with Darth Vader on the side?" -- Steve
"Hermes, wait! We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip." -- Turanga Leela
"Despite his other sins, it cannot be denied that Spielberg convinced the world that raptors are cool." -- John Nowak
Okay, here's the checklist:
Flyin' cars: NO
Bubble cities: NO
Clean Fusion Power: NO
Oxy-Gum: NO
Super Fembot Positronic Erotic RoboSluts: YES
Glad to see we've got our collective priorities in order. -- Ace
"In the 1950's, we discovered that Earth was definitely the sole inhabitable planet in this solar system, which was a terrible blow to traditional SF." -- S.M. Stirling
Something many Star Trek fans forget is that there was a gap between the cancellation of the original series and the first films, during which the actors had to grab for all the money they could. Listen to Nimoy singing "Bilbo Baggins" and reflect on this.
Personally, at that point I was wondering why he didn't do something more dignified, like a gay Spock bondage porn film. -- John Nowak
"If anyone tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back." -- Captain Mal Reynolds, Firefly Episode "Our Mrs. Reynolds"
"I was comforted by the fact that there were shotguns in space." -- John Kwon after seeing Serenity
"Been more'n a year since I had anything twixt my nethers that didn't run on batteries!" - Kaylee, Serenity
"We've even gotten laid by cute nerdy cyber geek-girls in rubber fetish clothes because of this band! Is there a market? Who fucking cares!" -- Captain Karl of the Star Trek Band Warp 11
"Oh, 'tanstaafl.' Means 'There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.'" -- Mannie in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.
"Science Fiction is to technology as romance novels are to marriage: a form of propaganda." -- Jason Pontin
"At the risk of being simplistic, what you are looking at is a quasi-neutral matrix of synthetic RNA molecules." -- Dr. Alex Harris (Fritz Weaver), Demon Seed, 1977
"We are Bay Aryans from Berkeley: prepare to be reengineered in an attractive range of colour schemes for your safety and comfort!" -- "The Atrocity Archives", Charles Stross
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